Whats wrong with me?

You don't even understand. You can say you do, but in reality, you don't. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have chosen to love. To love you after everything. After the big fight in April. After you disappearing this Summer. Even after you admitting that you gave away your virginity. Now I've forgiven you for forgetting about me. Liking someone else. For telling me you love me only to tell me you don't. And yet I'm still here waiting on you. Why? Because I love you. To be honest some days I don't want to love you. Those are the days I want to yell at you and tell you that you broke my heart. But you didn't just break my heart, you cut it off my sleeve and raised it up like David raised Goliath's severed head as if you conquered me. The truth is, you did conquer me.

I hated relationships. I hated them when I met you a year ago. I hated them when you told me you liked me. I hated them when you told me you loved. But then you told me that you would always be there for me and I thought, "Maybe, just maybe, relationships do work out." It turns out, taking a chance on you wasn't what I thought it was. Everyone in my family has relationship issues. I guess I've fallen into that trap.

You know what I hate most of all? I knew it was coming. The last few days before you told me everything, you stop texting good morning. Then you wouldn't text unless I text first. Then your texts got shorter and shorter. The pathetic thing is that I told myself you were just busy. Then you told me you liked someone else and I wanted to kick myself so hard that I wouldn't wake up for days. Instead the next few days were a mix between pain and confusion. I thought to myself, "How could he say he loved me and then Tell me this?" Why? Why does my heart have to sit vulnerable on my sleeve instead of safely in my chest.

Yet after all that, I'm still here waiting. Some people may say that I'm in too deep. That I'm making myself too available, but the thing is, I want to be available to you. I want to be here when you realize that you can't live without me either. That you can't stop thinking about me That you still want to fall asleep next to me someday. That you want to tell me you love everyday of our lives together. But that isn't going to happen. You have to figure things our right now. I respect that, but please, please know that I love you.

I know why you made me believe that relationships can exist. You even said that we are attracted to each other. I'm here waiting on you and I always will be. I love you. My heart is still mending itself. It still hurts, but I'm willing to put it back on the line for you. I'm going to fight to make you see me. And maybe when you really see me, I mean at my most vulnerable, then you'll see that you really do love me the same way.. maybe.